For many years my paternal grandmother, Madeline, was in some ways viewed as the distant grandmother. She wasn’t the lovable grandma I adored spending time with, as was my mother's mom, Hilda.
For much of his life my father, Walt, was raised by his grandparents. It wasn’t until his teen years that he again lived with his mother.
According to my mother, she never had ill words with her mother-in-law, yet in some ways I viewed their relationship as distant and formal. Mom is a fiercely loyal person, and when she loves, it is difficult for her to forgive someone who has hurt that loved one. And so, it was not easy for Caroline (my mother) to overcome her quiet disapproval of Madeline, for the years of parental neglect.
My dad was always good to his mother, yet he too treated Madeline a bit formally. He called her Mother, never mom. And should she recount some sentimental antidote from his youth, he would find the telling annoying, since she hadn’t been a constant presence in his childhood.
But, it has been close to thirty years since Grandma Madeline passed away, and dad has been gone for about sixteen years. Today my mother and I started to talk about Grandma Madeline, and Mom was able to remember many positive things about her mother-in-law. Time, age, maturity and an altered perspective sometimes allows us to review the past in a new light, and to see things that were always there, yet we may have overlooked.
When my parents were teenagers and dating, my father spent a number of consecutive weekends working on his car. Dad didn’t especially like playing mechanic, yet it had to be done. Caroline patiently watched Walt work on the vehicle. Finally my Grandma Madeline intervened. She told her son to stop working on his car and take Caroline out. Madeline even loaned her black Chrysler to the teenage boy.
When mother turned twenty-one Madeline gave Caroline a surprise birthday party. Mom and Dad were married by that time. My grandma was an excellent cook, and mother remembers it was a lovely party, and it had been entirely Madeline’s idea. For a birthday gift, Madeline gave Mom a set of draperies for my parent’s new home. Madeline always had excellent taste, and Mom loved the gift.
My sister and I were Madeline’s only grandchildren. When we were young she always bought us beautiful gifts for holidays and birthdays. When my grandmother and step-grandfather were living in Washington, she would have them delivered to our home. Mom remembers how she enjoyed the arrival of the packages, for they were always exquisitely and professionally wrapped from one of the upscale department stores, such as Marshal Fields.
Mother recalled the beautiful dresses Madeline would send my sister and me. Several times she sent us matching dresses, and they were always made from lovely fabric of the highest quality. And amazingly, they always fit perfectly.
When my sister, Lynn, was very small, Madeline and her husband, Bud, loved to take my sister on outings, and show her off to their friends. When Lynn was a teenager, Madeline and Bud sponsored Lynn in Rainbow Girls. And when I was in college, and needed a place to live for a few months, Madeline opened her home to me. I recall how she always made an effort to prepare for me my favorite meals.
Grandma Madeline died a short time after our son was born. Yet, I remember Grandma was at my baby shower. In spite of her failing health, and limited income at the time, at the shower she gave me several beautiful and generous gifts.
Grandma’s early abandonment of my father colored our view of her for many many years. Yet with the passing of time we are able to see things a bit clearer, and gain a new appreciation of Madeline’s efforts to become a better mother, mother-in-law and grandmother.
This blog is written primarily for my family. Initially I intended to blog about genealogy. But, as time went on, I realized what I really needed to do here was tell the story of my ancestors.
